Interview with Mister Snickering of McSorely’s Tea
With a stroke of luck I was able to snag an interview with the famous Mister Snickering of the prestigious tea house McSorely’s Tea. They have been blending tea for hundreds of years and maybe he will let us in on some of their tea secrets, especially how they get their tea to taste sooo good.
Helen Ryan: Hello, Mister Snickering of the renowned McSorely’s Tea. I am very glad to meet you at last. Welcome! Welcome! Please sit down. I am thrilled you are here.
Mister Snickering [licks his moustache]: How do you do, do you do Madam Ryan?
HR: Fine, thanks. Now Mister Snickering you work for McSorely’s Tea.
Mister Snickering [licks his moustache]: Verily, I am their top agent. Teehehehehe! Only drink McSorely’s Tea. [licks his moustache again]
HR: Would you like to tell us a little bit about your job?
Mister Snickering: Ah yes, that is a fine question. Well it involves a lot of recruitment of the right chil… people you see, tea making and a lot more donkey work than you would think.
HR: What’s does the donkey work involve?
Mister Snickering: Well, sometimes we keep donkeys in the factory, forsooth.
HR: For what exactly?
Mister Snickering: We blend the donkey poo in with special tea blends. It gives the tea a lovely aroma.
Mister Snickering: Verily, it’s not for everyone.
HR: Do you like your job?
Mister Snickering: Sometimes, I do get to meet a variety of interesting people. After all they say variety is the spice of life. Mine gets spicy now and then.
HR: You mean your life gets more exciting?
Mister Snickering: No, we sometimes add spice to the tea. It gets spicy, forsooth.
HR: Oh right!
Mister Snickering: As you know McSorely’s Tea is verily the finest tea in the world. [licks his moustache]
HR: Yes indeed. [nods her head]
Mister Snickering: Verily, I have a lovely present for you. [He hands Helen Ryan a black box with McSorely’s Tea written in gold letters where the y turns into a gold leaf]
HR: Why thank you Mister Snickering. [opens the box]
Mister Snickering: Verily the finest tea bag made just this morning especially for you.
HR: Hmmm … How thoughtful. [quickly puts box under the chair]
Mister Snickering: Ahh! I can smell the aroma of spicy donkey poo from here. It’s breathtaking. Don’t you agree?
HR: If you say so. Now Mister Snickering, what job would you like to try if you weren’t working at McSorely’s Tea?
Mister Snickering: Mmmm … Excellent question. I have thought long and hard about this over the years. I think I would like to be a mattress tester.
HR: What would that entail?
Mister Snickering: Sleeping!
HR: That sounds lovely. Why would you like that?
Mister Snickering: Uh! I am so very tired all the time. At McSorely’s Tea they have me working all hours. I am forever dreaming of the Land of Nod. [licks his moustache]
HR [yawning]: Now Mister Snickering. I feel a bit tired myself.
Mister Snickering: How about a lovely cup of McSorely’s to freshen you up? [licks his lips]
HR: Ah, not right now I’m ahem… not thirsty.
Mister Snickering: Suit yourself. You don’t know what you are missing.
HR: Mister Snickering if you were an animal what type of animal would you be?
Mister Snickering: Slow and steady wins the race so definitely a tortoise.
HR: A tortoise?
Mister Snickering: Yes, they hibernate for a long time. So a lot of sleep is involved, verily a noble pursuit. And well, a group of tortoises are called a creep! They are just the type of guys I’d like to hang out with! There is much to be admired when discussing tortoises. They are also great tea drinkers, forsooth.
HR: Surely tortoises do not drink tea?
Mister Snickering: McSorely’s Tea it’s so sweet, man nor beast cannot resist it. [licks his moustache]
HR: Readers I don’t recommend you let your tortoises drink tea.
Mister Snickering: Quite correct not any tea, only McSorely’s Tea will do! Teehehehehe! [licks his moustache and picks up the box from under HR’s chair, he bangs his head on the chair] Ohhhh! I have very sensitive skin. [placing hand up to his forehead] Here let’s have a nice cup of freshly brewed McSorely’s Tea. It’s good for what ails you. [licks moustache]
HR: No really I’m quite full thanks, maybe later.
Mister Snickering: Let the interview proceed on Madam Ryan.
HR: Good idea. Who are your heroes?
Mister Snickering: Genghis Khan. [grinning]
HR: That’s an unusual hero. He conquered most of Central Asia and China destroying everything in his path.
Mister Snickering: Verily, he was a great tea drinker, a man to be inspired by. Rip Van Wrinkle is another fellow I quite admire.
HR: Didn’t he sleep for twenty years? But he is a fictional character in a story.
Mister Snickering: What’s wrong with that? So am I. [pushing the black box at her] Here time for tea!
HR: I think we’ll wrap it up now.
Mister Snickering: If you say so. It has been the utmost pleasure talking to you, forsooth. I will take that box back if you are not going to make use of it.
HR: Oh yes! Here take it. [hands over the box]
Mister Snickering: Good-day Madam. [holds out hand to shake]
HR [stands up and shakes his hand]: The pleasure is all mine.
Mister Snickering leaves the room.
HR [falls back on the chair]: Phew! Donkey poo tea!